PET RULES
To be posted VERY LOW on the refrigerator door – nose height.
Dear Dogs and Cats,
The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.
The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn’t help because I fall faster than you can run.
I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.
For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years — canine or feline attendance is not required.
The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat’s butt. I cannot stress this enough!
To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our front door:
To All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit & Like to Complain About Our Pets:
1. They live here. You don’t.
2. If you don’t want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. (That’s why they call it "fur"niture.)
3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
4. To you, it’s an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn’t speak clearly.
Remember: In many ways, dogs and cats are better than kids because they:
1. Eat less
2. Don’t ask for money all the time
3 Are easier to train
4. Normally come when called
5. Never ask to drive the car
6. Don’t hang out with drug-using friends
7. Don’t smoke or drink
8. Don’t have to buy the latest fashions
9. Don’t want to wear your clothes
10. Don’t need a "gazillion" dollars for college.
11. If they get pregnant, you can sell their children.
Yes Mean Kitty….. take the hint! lol
Have you ever thought of comedy writing because I almost P****d myself reading your posting.
Excuse me, but are you talking to me?
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Wow, I think I’ll go home and hug my dog today!! I think I’ve been under-appreciating him for way too long! Thanks for the reminder of their good qualities!! It’s all very true! Funny too!
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Ha ha ha, I love it! Very ,very true.
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Hilarious!
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Great…have a star!!!
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Have you ever thought of comedy writing because I almost P****d myself reading your posting.
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superb
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Don’t know who the h**l you are but you’re obviously are kept by pets. I know those sentiments ALL TOO well.
Thanks for the laugh!!!!
"horresco referens" or "I sudder to relate"
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good stuff…i can relate…star for you!
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I got that is a e-mail more then once, before!
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Thats awesome, i have a cat, he’s gorgeous!! =]
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i giggled, a star for you
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excellent – have a star! i like the part about "fur"niture, never thought about it like that.
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That says it all im not the only one that is bonkers …lol
ps it is brill
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* lol thats funny
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Fabulous. My husband and I giggled all the way through. We have two adorable cats.
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LOL These are funny and so true. I have 2 dogs and 4 new babies 3 1/2 weeks old
Thanks for the giggle! A star for you!
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That’s too cute, and I can’t beleive people who don’t like my cats(or any animal for that matter) so the little list is so true. bye!
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Thats awesome! So cute! Right on, you rock!
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LOL
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